K. I had a break. I didn’t think about writing, apart from the odd thought that went along the lines of ‘I have no ideas I’m totally screwed’. Then I came back to my notebook and, just for fun, wrote ‘okay do I have any ideas at all?’ then listed four or five options. Looking at them, I realised that I was put off because they were all difficult, which was when I understood the real reasons behind my writer’s block: fear and expectation. These projects scare me because I don’t believe I can do them justice. Well, the only thing I can do is ignore that critical voice and get on with it.
To take pressure off a single project, I’m going to work on two at the same time (I said I’d do this back in August but never did). I’m going to work on The Forest King and Midnight Shrine. I have about 32,000 words of Forest King. It’s a skeleton. A prototype. The structure is pretty sound, but it all needs fleshed out. As for Midnight Shrine, I have 60 pages of exploration, and some ideas about a second draft. I need to go back to those revision notes and see how I feel about them now. I believe the 60 handwritten pages told me why I was writing the story, but didn’t tell me how exactly to tell it. In other words, those pages revealed the core of the story, but not the story itself.
So that’s the state of things. I need to focus on my work rather than the fucking HELLSCAPE that is planet Earth right now. Will there ever be a day when we don’t treat women as nothing more than walking tits-and-wombs?